It's no longer butterflies

 It's no longer butterflies.

I never knew I could feel like this, I had felt the butterflies before, the nerves, the anxiety, the excitement, the new-ness of it all.

But this lasted. This is NEW.

This has advanced past every single other relationship, I've ever had.

It's no longer the giggling and brand new butterflies that have just barely hatched with wings still sopping wet from the cocoon.

It used to be immediate heart racing with maybe even an accidental touch.

But all of that was so much anxiety and unsure.

Because was that intentional? Was she trying to touch me that way? What does that mean? What does she want it to mean? Do I want it to mean the same thing?

So much fear about it all.

So afraid to mess it up.

It's no longer butterflies.

It's no longer having "girlfriend sleepovers", it's no longer sneaking out the bedroom window well in order to not wake up her parents.

It's no longer the flirting and gently touching while at work.

It's no longer a secret that we have to keep to ourselves.

It's no longer the trading of shirts and sweatshirts at the end of the night before going home.

It's no longer butterflies.

But it's better.

It's no longer anxiety, it is safety.

It's a warm blanket straight out of the dryer.

It's a steady heartbeat, and warm skin that lulls you to sleep.

It's cuddling on the couch sharing a favorite movie together.

It's the confidence that you feel as soon as you see then again after a long day.

No, it's no longer butterflies. Those have since grown up and flew south.

But it's better.

And I'm happy to have evolved, and made it past butterflies.